*LOVE*

“You’ll never share real love until you love yourself.” (RENT) Is that possible, to really love myself? And how does that stop me from loving others? I don’t know about you, but those questions pop up in my head on a regular basis. And the answer is simple; if you don’t love yourself, you can’t know how to love anyone else. How could you? True love begins in the hearts of each of us. But truly loving yourself for who you are can be difficult and painful for the everyday human being. We all seem to look at ourselves and only see the negatives, not the quirks that make us unique. My dream is that one day, we, as a body, will look in the mirror and see the light in each of us that makes the world shine so blindly bright. That love will not only be something we feel for others, but ourselves as well.
Children are our future. And in order to keep the love flowing, they need to be shown what true love is. It’s eating an ice cream cone and not feeling guilty. It’s buying that pair of shoes you’ve wanted for months, but were too ashamed to buy. It’s finally saying no to all those demanding requests and spending a day of relaxation at the spa. Love has its own definition for each individual. Webster’s Dictionary defines love as “A great liking, fondness; to delight in, enjoy.” My challenge to the world is that everyone opens their mind to the possibility of self-optimism and realizes how wonderful they all are.
Aren’t you tired of hearing about teen suicides and husbands murdering their wives on the news every week? I believe that if we all learn to love ourselves, we would have absolutely no reason to hurt anyone else, physically or emotionally. To the bulimic ninety-eight pound 16-year-old who looks at herself and sees nothing but fat; may she grow to love the skin she is in and see behind the lies that alter her vision. To the alcoholic father who comes home and screams at his wife and 3 small children after a bad day at work and a 2 hour stop at the bar; may he be guided to a place of peace and reassurance that his family loves him no matter how screwed up he is; that there is always hope for change. To the depressed atheist who just found out he is to being sent to fight for his country in Iraq in 2 weeks; may his faith be redirected in a direction that is healthy and honest, that someone reveals to him the Truth and his life changes forever by the biggest decision he could ever make. To every human being on this earth and all that are to come who don’t see the beauty and potential lying within them, (which truly is everyone), may they learn to love themselves as was intended and that the world as a whole comes together as one and be filled with support and encouragement for every brother and sister through any struggle they may encounter.
My dream is love.

THE game

I am currently laying on my bed, or rather, bouncing, watching THE game, Steelers vs. Ravens...and I've suprised myself at how hooked I am! I'm supposed to be reading my english book and writing about MLK, but I can't stop staring at the tube! I don't usually have this issue, but this is THE game! (I have tomorrow to finish my homework, and I've been staring at books and paper since 1 in the afternoon, this is my break)
I guess what I'm thinking about right now are my priorities. I have put much effort into making sure school and my "responsibilities" are at the top of my list, and I am happy with that decision.

ok, well I need to pay more attention to the 13-0 scoreboard :)

~sarah lynn, sports-crazed steeler fan

Fresh Start

Second semester has officially began and is off to a good start. I'm taking 12 credits (Sociology, Chemistry for Elementary Teachers plus Lab, English 121, and Speech 124) My goal is to have a whole new perspective and level of achievement by April. I have alot of work to do and some pretty good grades to earn if I want to get out of this hole I've dug.

Can I just say how much I really LOVE Campus Crusades?! It's been a huge help since I've gotten here and the friends I've grown to love are just amazing. I'm sooo glad I got involved.

Speaking of CRU, it's tonight, so I need to get going there.

Ohh and I've got to manage a blog for English too, so check it out!!

http://www.sunshine121604.blogspot.com/

~sarah lynn, committed college freshy

Death on the brain

In the past 11 days, I have known 4 people who have died at 4 different times in 2 different ways. The day after thanksgiving, a parton from the FCL died in a tragic accident in an attempt to help his wife. He gave his life to save another. He was 35 years old. A woman from my church died at the age of 93 from old age and other reasons. A friend's brother died in a car accident at the age of 12, and her sister (10 years old) is still in a coma. A girl I've known for 7 years died last night in another car accident because of the ice and the loss of control. She was heading back to college from home. She was 18 years old.
I have so many emotions building up inside of me and I feel extremely overwhelmed with sadness, but I cannot make it come out. I can't shed a tear. I can't really be sad, and I have no idea why. I would feel soooo much better if I could just lay on someones lap and cry my heart out while they stroked my hair, but my entire body is fighting that natural impulse. Why can't I just let it out? Let it go?
Also, my mom is having surgery on Monday, and I am starting to stress about that. I'm not worried about anything happening to her, I'm sure she'll be fine. But she is beginning to freak out about it and her stress causes me stress. She is having a lump removed from just below her ear and is worried because it is so close to her head. And with all this talk of death, my mind is wondering to the worst of posibilties at the moment. But I still can't find the ability to be upset.
It's finals week. This is the last week of the semester and I have to study in order pass, but I can't concentrate. Not because I don't want to, but because my head keeps drifting off into areas of panik and antisipation. Lord, please calm my nerves...
Christmas is right around the corner. The most stressful time of year, for me at least. Mom often gets :sick: around this time of year as well, and NOTHING is more stomach-churning to me than her landing herself back in the hospital. I don't care about the gifts or the cards or the money or the food, all I want is for it to slip by without any major explosions and for the new semester to start. I want peace this Christmas...please??
It's 6:12 am and I have yet to go to bed. I tried, but I just can't seem to relax. I havn't been able to relax since the day I moved in. I still LOVE college, but I think my body hates it. All I want is a real nights sleep and peace of mind, is that too much to ask for? I guess I'll just have to keep on praying and trusting...which I'm having a hard time doing at the moment. I could use a prayer.

~sarah lynn, emotionally-challenged educatee

I'm back

Wow...so it's been a while since I've been on here...oops!!

ALOT has happened in the last month. I'm not going to get into specifics (if you really wanna know, email me...) but I have let alot go and made some big decisions because of recent events.

Thanksgiving break starts in 3 days, and I gotta say that I'm not as thrilled as most of the students are to be going home. I am, however, very excited to be working 4 out of 5 days that I'll be home. That sure puts a smile on my face :D I also get to go to Grace Chapel for the first time in 3 months and I CAN'T WAIT to see everyone and hear Heather lead worship again...omg it's just not the same without her. AND I get to go bowling with Young Life as an alumni (I've never been an alumni of anything before...im pretty pumped about that!!) and Kyle is going so that will be super fun! AND THE BEST PART OF ALL is that I'll FINALLY get to see Sue's belly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!

I went to the Bee's Knees last night with Maria, Cindy, Molly and Laura last night and it was soooo fun! It was so good to just spend time with them catching up and having a good time. I miss all my library peeps insanely.

I do have a prayer request...my Uncle Kenny has *i think this is what it's called* pancriotic cancer and is having an operation in the beginning of December. He has already gone through another type of cancer (skin cancer i think) so this is just not good news.
Also, my Great-Aunt Sharon has a skin cancer called melanoma and had a bump removed from her breast and somewhere else on her body yesterday morning. I have not heard the result of the tests, but this is a common cancer in my family (ALOT of my great aunts and uncles have cancer). So if you wouldn't mind saying an extra prayer for them, it would be much appreciated.

Well I need to get working on my 2 papers and a powerpoint and excel project (yay! not....) but I hope y'all have an amazing night!!

-sarah lynn, invested individual

Cedar Point

So a group of us went to Cedar point yesterday for Halloweekends. It was so much fun!! It was freezing, funny, silly, terrifying, screaming, freezing day. We rode all the big rides and hit a few haunted houses. Then came the scary part. CarnEvil. Pirates. Scare Zone. I was quite literally latched onto Steve for 3 hours. They made me go through the CarnEvil zone, and I was almost in tears. First of all, it's in the middle of Snoopy Land (for those of you who don't know, I'm TERRIFIED of Snoopy...I'm dead serious, he's my worst fear) and then it was full of clowns!! I HATE CLOWNS!! I was sooo scareddddd. And the Scare Zone was enough to make me pee my pants. At one point, I turned around cuz Steve was like "watch out Sarah" and right over my shoulder was this I don't know what to call it monster mask that I was nose to nose with as he was talking to me asking me "what's wrong Sarah? what are you afraid of?" I was under Ashley's coat so fast it wasn't funny. This girl and I (this normal just like me girl) scared the crap out of each other cuz we were so afraid! It was sooooo cold out yesterday and by the time I got out of the first Scare Zone, I was sweating profusely. That's how scared I was. By midnight, I was beyond ready to run out of the park. But I still had a lot of fun despite being scared out of my mind :)

Just call me Grace

I fell off my bed last night. Well, techinically it was this morning at 3 am. Nay and I had just finished watching Dirty Dancing and I was leaning over the side of my bed to stretch my soar back. Just so you know, my matress is at least 3 1/2 feet off the ground, it meets my chest when I'm standing next to it. So I had hooked my feet to the back of my matress and hung my torso over the side of the bed, like I do all the time. But this time, when I tried to push myself back onto the bed by pushing up on the desk, I slipped and started toward the tile floor. My lower body smacked the dresser, then scraped past the plastic storage drawers, landing on the cold hard floor in fetal position. Nay and I were laughing so hard we were crying, that was until I looked down. The lights were all off and the only light came from the soft glow of the tv. I felt a pain in my leg and looked down to see what was wrong. Even in the darkness, I could still see a dark purple 5 inch mark on my leg. So I jumped up (in pain) and turned on the light. Sure enough, my leg had a beautiful bruise already forming right before my eyes. So I went downstairs to get some ice for the swelling and I found myself struggling to make it back up the stairs. My calf very quickly became swollen and firm, like a softball had been planted in my leg. After attempting to ice it, unsuccessful because of the stinging pain the frozen water caused, I tried to get just a little sleep. But every time I turned on my right side, I would be rudley awakened by the overwhelming pain coming from my calf muscle. When I woke up in the mornign for class, I was unable to put much pressure on it and it was harder then I thought possible. Even now, its extremely swollen and SOOOOOOOOOOO painful. Once again, I'm limping and hating it. Wasn't 14 months long enough? (aparently not)

~sarah lynn, clutzy comedian