Death on the brain

In the past 11 days, I have known 4 people who have died at 4 different times in 2 different ways. The day after thanksgiving, a parton from the FCL died in a tragic accident in an attempt to help his wife. He gave his life to save another. He was 35 years old. A woman from my church died at the age of 93 from old age and other reasons. A friend's brother died in a car accident at the age of 12, and her sister (10 years old) is still in a coma. A girl I've known for 7 years died last night in another car accident because of the ice and the loss of control. She was heading back to college from home. She was 18 years old.
I have so many emotions building up inside of me and I feel extremely overwhelmed with sadness, but I cannot make it come out. I can't shed a tear. I can't really be sad, and I have no idea why. I would feel soooo much better if I could just lay on someones lap and cry my heart out while they stroked my hair, but my entire body is fighting that natural impulse. Why can't I just let it out? Let it go?
Also, my mom is having surgery on Monday, and I am starting to stress about that. I'm not worried about anything happening to her, I'm sure she'll be fine. But she is beginning to freak out about it and her stress causes me stress. She is having a lump removed from just below her ear and is worried because it is so close to her head. And with all this talk of death, my mind is wondering to the worst of posibilties at the moment. But I still can't find the ability to be upset.
It's finals week. This is the last week of the semester and I have to study in order pass, but I can't concentrate. Not because I don't want to, but because my head keeps drifting off into areas of panik and antisipation. Lord, please calm my nerves...
Christmas is right around the corner. The most stressful time of year, for me at least. Mom often gets :sick: around this time of year as well, and NOTHING is more stomach-churning to me than her landing herself back in the hospital. I don't care about the gifts or the cards or the money or the food, all I want is for it to slip by without any major explosions and for the new semester to start. I want peace this Christmas...please??
It's 6:12 am and I have yet to go to bed. I tried, but I just can't seem to relax. I havn't been able to relax since the day I moved in. I still LOVE college, but I think my body hates it. All I want is a real nights sleep and peace of mind, is that too much to ask for? I guess I'll just have to keep on praying and trusting...which I'm having a hard time doing at the moment. I could use a prayer.

~sarah lynn, emotionally-challenged educatee